Taking the advice of others ...

So if you've been following our blog at all the past few weeks, I'd like to think that it seems even though we've experienced one of the hardest trials in our lives thus far ... God has granted us the peace and comfort to handle it well. However, today I finally buckled and listened to a song after being told by at least 10 different people we should listen to it. I already knew the song and had refused to listen to it as I think every girl in my youth group growing up sang it at some point in church. So I ask those of you who recently told me to listen to it ... what in the world were you thinking??? :) This is the saddest song EVER, especially for people who just experienced exactly what the song is talking about. All joking aside ... it really is an emotional song.

Nonetheless, once again God prevails and he's used this situation already beyond our belief. Since moving to Austin, he's used SO many of our struggles, trials and drama to allow us to minister to others. Yesterday, another woman in our church had a miscarriage and our Women's Director asked if she could share my blog with this woman. Although it breaks my heart to hear that this happened to another sweet couple, I feel God closer than ever as he continues to use our loss for his good. It's amazing how everything is spiritual and how you can almost literally feel God wrap his arms around you. I'm thankful for this experience as it has brought us even closer to the Lord. 

Briefly on the subject of marriage ... I also LOVE how just when you think you are so close and so in love with your spouse ... something happens and you find that you love that person even more than you did before and you feel so close you can't even begin to find words to describe it. I look forward to seeing where we are in fifty years!

It's funny how much our perspective has changed on so many levels over the  past month. First, I can't believe our friends Zach and Carrie (we had about the same due date) are almost out of their first trimester ... wow! I can't wait to meet their baby! Also, Ethan and I had always talked about having two children ... but after realizing how precious life is it's been

 on my heart to have four. Am I crazy? In the past year both of my parents confessed that they regret not having more children. They said if they had of known that Brandon and I would turn out the way we did then they would have had more. It got me thinking ....

We will see ... I'm just glad it's in God's hands and not mine! The urgency to try really hard and get pregnant again to help heal out hearts has passed .... thank you Jesus! We trust that he'll bring us little Liam, Lili and Claire when He's ready.

Last but not least ... the lyrics to the song that made my cry this morning when I haven't cried in weeks ...

Two months is too little, they let him go

They had no sudden healing, to think that providence

Would take a child from his mother while she prays, is appalling

Who told us we'd be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens to us

Who have died to live, it's unfair ...

This is what it means to be held

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held.

This hand is bitterness

We want to taste it and let the hatred numb our sorrows 

This wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred it torn from your life and you survive

This is what it is to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering, this is only the beginning

Can we not wait for one hour, watching for our savior

Natalie Grant - Held

If anyone reading this is confused by the lyrics or would like us to fill them in on why our God is SO worth it, even in the midst of trials, let us know. We would love to tell you ...